The True Long Distance Cruiser
by Nancy Knudsen on 14 Jun 2008
It’s a tough life SW
After many years of cruising, we've sussed out many of their quirks and we've found there are a few very important rules about how to be a TLDC (True Long Distance Cruiser).
Long distance cruisers come in many different sizes and shapes. There are real estate agents and scientists and doctors, merchant bankers and boat builders, dot.com early retirees and the occasional ballet dancer.
However, no matter how chic you were before you took to long range sailing, it's important that once you become a TLDC, you must look the part.
First, there are the big clumsy walking sandals, and
inside the walking sandals, feet with very rounded toes, from not being crammed into shoes for so long. Very modern cruisers have graduated to Crocs, which are ideal for amphibious creatures. Then there is the un-ironed, slightly off white shirt, which must have a grease spot on it somewhere, if not a raggedy hole - or two, or three - this goes for both boys and girls. The shorts are made of light fibre, easily washed, but they must not look as though they have EVER been near a laundry. O, and if they've already been through Polynesia, you might spot a tattoo or two...
Then there is the backpack - these are worn by both boys and girls, and should be appropriately saggy, with a water bottle protruding from one of the back pockets, and a hand held VHF radio protruding from the other. Inside, there is a computer, and they are ALWAYS searching for a good wireless connection. And don't forget the hair - for boys, it's either a Number 2, or it's an uncombed mess with or without a pigtail, and any one of these is quite acceptable. For Girls, it's either very long, enabling it to be cut by a kitchen knife without anyone noticing, or it's super short, and, ever so fashionably, looks as though the chooks have been pecking their way through it.
For spoken English the TLDC has dead giveaway expressions. (except for the French of course, for whom NONE of the above rules apply). For instance, they must have a cross national vocabulary, so that you might hear 'She'll be right mate' in the same sentence as you hear, 'Man that sure is over the top'. To show that they've spent too much time talking on radio, real long time cruisers should pepper their speech with 'Roger this' and Roger that', and every now and again should say, forgetfully, 'Over' at the end of the sentence.
Then there's the equipment. Male TLDC's maybe all had Porsches before they went cruising, because wow can their dinghies go! There's also a certain way of taking off sideways, so that you leave a fan of water behind - a sort of farewell present to those you have just been talking to. Of course, apologies to Porsche(which is an excellent motor car after all) the yachtie version goes 'If you've got otherwise effective enough equipment, you don't need a big engine on your dinghy'.
It's worth remarking that ALL long time cruisers (except the puritans who have no outboard motor, no GPS, no radios etc and are mostly single-handed) have BIG outboard motors. After all, in large anchorages or those with strong currents, it is a seriously handy thing to have....and talking about equipment, O the equipment conversations! Girls, you think your men talk about cars and boats a lot? O boy, when you remove that car, the boat conversation goes up tenfold!
Then of course you have cute little oft repeated sayings like
'My job on the boat is fixing the next thing that's going to break'
'This is my nth time around the world, but I really don't know how to sail very well'
'Where am I going tomorrow? Well, probably north - well we have to discuss it tonight you know - we'll see when we get the weather in - maybe nowhere, maybe west, we'll see.'
And ' Do you have a gobbledegook? No? Well, I could give you the instructions and diagram on how to make it – no problem'
This kind of comment precedes about three hours with all present males repaired to the engine room, leaving the females to talk about global warming and bread recipes.
TLDC's also have plenty of TIME. Even though they claim to be constantly busy, when asked for a cup of coffee, the long distance cruiser will stay for six hours. Mind you, this is a talent worth developing, as a kind of luxury that was unheard of in our previous life. Six hours was:
all the sleep one got in a night, or
all the free time one got at the weekend, or
how much time it took to drive to and from work in the week.
six hours for a cup of coffee? - the mind boggles with the luxury of it.
There's one thing that seems to be common to all cruisers, even the French. They have lost almost all traces of parochialism - which means that many normally taboo subjects can be discussed with impunity. When you find yourself almost continuously in the company of a mixed Nationals - Israeli and French, Japanese and American, Swiss and Canadian, you can wile away half the night on the Middle East Question or the Kyoto Protocol, as most cruisers are well educated, and familiar with the attitudes of their own governments and the seriously private agendas which cause them.
And TLDC's are inevitably very green. The environment, which is their home, is the most precious possession on earth, and they've been eyewitnesses to the monstrous quantities of plastic one can find on most of the remote beaches in the world, not to mention the rubber thongs which seem to have started breeding on remote beaches throughout Asia.
O and by the way, if the TLDC's have kids travelling with them, you may get more intelligent conversation out of them than your next door neighbour. They are a great advertisement for home schooling - usually very academically advanced, extraordinarily articulate - and can swim and dive like dolphins.
Yes, they're not hard to spot, these TLDC's, with their courtesy flags and spare fuel drums on the deck, and they're very friendly - if you ever see one in an anchorage, say hello!
But be warned, that cup of coffee could take six hours!
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