Phantom open meeting at Queen Mary Sailing Club

Mark Addison wins the Phantom open meeting at Queen Mary © Chris Shelton

Eleven bold (some say foolish) Phantoms descended upon QMSC, riding in on a fresh breeze — though some were fresher than others, thanks to last week's unfortunate wildlife encounter. But I digress. Due to a mix of fate, peer pressure, and poor decision-making, your author once again is behind his keyboard, cackling like a caffeinated hyena.

Launching was, in a word, adventurous. With a steep-sided reservoir and a cheeky little 20+kt crosswind, QMSC volunteers and buddy-upped sailors somehow avoided a £250 cheque from YBF. Mostly.

The starting lineup of 11 Phantoms was made more majestic by the turnout of six boats from Broadwater SC. Some, clearly anticipating a southern hosepipe ban, wasted no time rinsing their masts — right from the start line. Efficiency is everything.

Race 1: The Great Rudder Betrayal

Following the Ospreys and Merlin Rockets (who provided ample opportunity for tactical spectating), Race 1 got under way. Chris Shelton, Alex Spurgeon, and Mark Addison were first to the windward mark, tearing off downwind like they'd been promised pies at the finish.

The gybe mark brought the drama: Mark narrowly avoided a full-body baptism while Alex performed a graceful half-death roll to visually inspect his centreboard for weed. Others, watching the aquatic carnage ahead, wisely tacked away and pretended it was all part of their strategy.

Mark led the charge, and Dave sneakily picked up places on the right-hand side. That is until Dave faceplanted at last and missed the finish mark altogether — a bold tactic that netted him exactly zero rewards. Nick happily took second, with Chris in third.

Meanwhile, Alex — who had apparently rigged his boat via Frank Spencer's YouTube Shorts — battled a rebellious rudder all day, a theme that persisted like a bad animal smell.

Race 2: Chaos at the Pin End

The start featured exciting port bias, drawing everyone to the pin end like seagulls to dropped chips. In a radical move, Jeremy decided to get a better view by standing on his centreboard mid-start. He pulled a sneaky hard-right beat and found himself in the top mix with Mark, Nick and Alex.

Mark soon activated "turbo Phantom mode" and left the fleet behind, brushing off any remaining cobwebs. The fight for second was a rotating door between second and sixth, as positions shuffled like a game of drunken musical chairs. Chris Shelton was consistently doing his thing, quietly plugging away, popping up in good positions like a prairie dog.

In a poetic tribute to Dave's faceplant in Race 1, Alex went full chimp on his tiller, sailing with weather-helm akin to a Thames barge in a gale, and swiftly tanked from second to sixth in the final lap, final leg. Artistic, really.

Race 3: The Phantom Plunge Finale

Mark and Alex shot off after the windward mark, leaving Jeremy to lead the chase. The wind had picked up by now, with tired bodies turning every gust into a personal challenge.

On lap two, an Osprey jealously saw the Phantoms having too much fun and decided to join in with an overly close display of affection mid-beat, and Mark used the distraction to stretch his lead. In an act of team spirit, Jeremy promptly binned it at the leeward mark, kindly allowing others through.

Dave, possibly overheating, took a spontaneous swim during the run. Full body hydration is important.

Mark, the day's forerunner, first crossed the finish and then capsized in solidarity. Alex second, some 100m away, was unimpressed with the timing of Mark's swim but found comfort in his misfortune. Nick rounded out the race with another consistent third finish, looking suspiciously like he had planned it all along.

In closing

QMSC gave us wind, water, sun, choreographed capsizes, and a reminder that sometimes, staying upright and focused is half the battle. Huge thanks to the volunteers, QMSC and the race team.

Congratulations to Mark Addison, who provided a tutorial on Phantom helmsmanship and sailed at times like the wind owed him money.

"See you next one! Towel? Essential. Rudder rigging help from the Vulpine Consultant? That's a trap."

Overall Results: