I've heard on the Zero-vine that you have just entered the D-Zero Nationals at Largs in four weeks' time. I am really looking forward to meeting you because I am a very young boat (born this January) and you are folklore in the D-Zero Class; think Father Christmas crossed with the Tooth Fairy (and dress accordingly please, so I will recognise you).

As the designer of our wonderful class, you also have a God-like reputation, so I may expect a whitened beard and ability to put windshifts my way during the Championships, please.

In preparation for our great Nationals (of which you are, of course, the defending National Champion), I persuaded Owner to tow me the 525-mile round trip to Largs this weekend for a bonnie wee practice with the local McOwners. I also needed to prepare your prime spot berth next to mine.

The weather was un-Scottishly hot and dry for my entire visit, and a delightful breeze had me flouncing around on the Clyde with my boatie mates, as we D-Zeros do best.

With the help of some of the mature sailors there, we showed Owner how a Zero likes to be sailed and I had several onshore sessions of OIPEEC-ology (the International Organisation for the Study of Ropes - yes folks, Google it!) at the surgery of McLatimer and Mclaughlin.

I'm so excited to be allowed to play on the same water as you on August 20th. Please tell all your friends to come and sign up too. We're close to 50 entries already.