Volvo Ocean Race- A man's got to do what a man's got to do

by Brian Carlin, Team Vestas Wind on 23 Nov 2014 Brian Carlin, On Board Reporter for Team Vestas Wind reports on the delights of using the 'bathroom' while clocking along at 20kts plus in the Southern Ocean.


It’s the simple things now that get to us.

While the next part of this blog may not be for the faint hearted it’s something every human being on this planet does so I will explain. Using the bathroom! Yes, most of you land people enjoy the porcelain flushing experience daily, WE DO NOT! We have a carbon toilet with no flush, no door, no toilet seat and that’s not even the bad part of this story today.

So as humans do we eat, and what we eat must come out. So today as I saw Trae abandon his attempt at using the heads I thought to myself, well I really need to go now. I’m going to give this a good shot. It’s a funny thing but when you find walking around a boat in such a violent sea state impossible, imagine what it’s like to do anything else.

So attempt number one was underway, I climbed into the square section of bow that houses this beautiful 1.6kg carbon bowl. I prepped well, when on boats, it’s all about prep. I got my little brown bag for the toilet paper (we don’t flush anything in fear of blockages), the baby wipes were ready, the bowl needed priming so I pumped about 1.5 liters of water in. I then almost fell backwards on my ass as we fell off a huge wave. At this point of course I was committed to at least getting my bum on the bowl and having a shot at this. So off came the wet pants, then shorts, and finally down to the thermals. It was so cold.!!!!!!!!

And I know all of you know exactly what I mean (except those posh readers with heated seats, dam you) so I was managing considerably well. My two hands, one left, propped against the carbon wall, one right propped against the other carbon wall and my two feet semi wedge in case we hit another wave. What happened next was a miracle not in terms of boat moments but bodily movements and no it’s not what your expecting me to write either.

The boat launched off a huge wave dropping the bow from mid air to the bottom of a wave. My head and shoulders took so much force I somehow managed to head butt my knees with my face!!!!! Seriously how do you explain that while sitting on a toilet? How did my head even stretch that far!

Needless to say the attempt was aborted, Trae has been at this game long enough for me to just except certain things can’t happen in these conditions. I’m really hoping it dies off for an hour later today. I reckon there could be tickets given out there will be such demand on our carbon friend.

Please spare a moment while you sit on your porcelain friend today and think about all the comforts in the world you have.

More Blogs from the Boats, where the Volvo Ocean Race OBR's report on the latest news from their boat on Leg 2 click here