Alinghi forfeits America's Cup Bertarelli buys F1

After Foncia carced it Alinghi’s Bertarelli legs it to F1
Report just in: Alinghi forfeits America's Cup Bertarelli buys out Bernie Ecclestone
Legal representatives for America's Cup defender Alinghi today announced that they will forfeit the America's Cup, throwing yet more turmoil into the 33rd and 34th America's Cup competitions. Just one day before the scheduled legal hearing about the date for the multihull match that was to have taken place between Alinghi and BMW Oracle Racing, Ernesto Bertarelli made the following statement at a hastily arranged press conference at FIA headquarters in Paris:

'It is now clear to me that the sailing world is not interested in change, in progress for the America's Cup. My vision has come at the wrong time... some may say too soon, perhaps it's too late to save the Cup from the shackles of history. What I wanted to do was to become the Bernie Ecclestone of sailing... to run the America's Cup and related events like the Formula 1 circuit. That no longer seems possible... so I've decided that instead of emulating Mr. Ecclestone, I'd buy him out. We have successfully concluded our negotiations and while I am saddened to be leaving the world of the America's Cup and sailing, I'm very excited to announce that I am the new Formula 1 Supremo!

'Giving Max Mosley the boot is one of my first tasks. Wait, perhaps I should rephrase that...

'And I have some exciting ideas for changing Formula 1. National teams with citizenship requirements would be a great start. And color schemes based on national flags. And I'll have to have a lot more control over television rights, photographers, journalists and sponsor logos. We're headed into a fantastic future.'

A spokesman for BMW Oracle was nearly at a loss for words. 'We don't know where to start... there is simply no precedent for a forfeiture. Nothing in the Deed of Gift gives any indication on who should now be the Defender or the Challenger of Record. What on earth are we supposed to tell Judge Cahn tomorrow? We'd be better off just flipping a coin...'

Former F1 World Champion Jackie Stewart said simply 'You have got to be f'ing kidding me. Since when does building a business empire on selling a derivative of nuns' urine qualify this guy to run Formula 1 ?!?!?!?'